How to go from hook up to friends

WHAT just happened to you?! These thoughts are totally natural and definitely sexy! If you want to pursue them in reality, maybe a friends-with-benefits situation is for you. I qualified sex as an exclusive within the context of a bona-fide romantic relationship, OR a one-off adrenaline-fueled encounter. Some of my best sexual experiences have been with trusted friends who made me feel sexy, comfortable, and cared about.

Our friendship was enough to satisfy me emotionally. I really, really want to tell you that friend hookups are easy. That you can just hop in the sack and do your thing and give each other high fives afterwards. For the most part, this is totally the case! They are real, and I want you to be prepared! Just because this person is your friend—presumably someone whom you know and who knows you well enough—does not automatically mean that they will respect your sexual boundaries, or even know what those boundaries are.

Outline the terms of your hookup: What are you cool with? Keep it simple and honest! You may choose to keep things monogamous, e. Many people also opt for a no-strings-attached thing, since this model is not a romantic relationship.

This means that you both have no obligations to each other, and have the freedom to do sexy things with other people. Go over your needs and desires, your dislikes and boundaries, and be sure that your pal does the same.

Keep it light if things get weird As far as the actual action goes: It will probably be strange at first! And if it does feel awkward? Weigh the potential outcomes If you deeply value the friendship, understand that introducing hookups to the mix can make it hard for a friendship to continue.

Which is more important to you? There is no right or wrong answer. One of the reasons for this: Assuming you have not agreed to be monogamous, you may have to see your friend dating other people while they are hooking up with you. This may make you feel very uncomfortable! The green-eyed monster can show up whether you want it to or not.

Luckily, jealousy is one the few emotions that can be reasonably rationalized away…somewhat. You have to remember that your friend is not romantically obligated to you, and they deserve to find love just like you do.

That can feel so tough, I know. Eventually, the only thing I could do was to put a hold on our trysts until I was able to reconcile my brain with my heart.

I was able to work through my icky jealous feels by writing in my diary a LOT, and telling myself repeatedly that we were pals and NOT romantic partners for a reason: We had nothing in common and had no love chemistry at all.

It took some time, but once he started dating a girl I knew and liked! But I also realized that the opposite was also true: He had no ownership over me—and I felt totally OK about that. Stay alert Take stock of your feelings every so often. When you hook up with a friend, your relationship to that person changes. When hooking up with someone, you are getting to know them on a much more intimate level: Once sex-related fun is in the mix, it has a funny way of confusing your emotions, because hopefully!

Liking someone also means liking them on the whole, as the difficult, complex person that they are. Being sexually attracted to someone is only part of being attracted to them as a full, unique weirdo person.

If you start feeling lovey-dovey toward your pal, ask yourself, Am I falling for this person because we are hooking up, or are we hooking up because I am falling for them?

What happens if you do fall for your friend? This, my dear cherubs, is a tale as old as time. No need to hit the panic button! We are going to work through these complicated feelings together. First off, this is known risk in hooking up with a friend. But physical attraction can speed up that process, or make the unrequited feelings sting that much more.

Will continuing a sexual relationship cause you pain and sadness? Are you convinced that sleeping with this friend will cause them to love you back? Though the answer to the last question is probably a resounding NO.

Agreeing to get with someone physically is not the way to get them to like you, and it really sets you up to be saddened even further. Just friends, once again You are free to stop the arrangement at any time, for any reason. You are also free to pull the plug on the entire friendship, if you feel that you need to preserve your happiness. What matters is your emotional health!

In a one-on-one romantic relationship, you make an agreement with someone to exercise certain boundaries over how you engage sexually with others. Whether that is percent monogamy, or totes open, or anywhere along the spectrum, there is a pact that is made.

It can be difficult to feel truly sexually comfortable without that sense of insurance. If this is something you need, you deserve it, and you should go looking for a person who will give you the comfy warm security feelings that you are entitled to. You have the convenience of exploring your sexuality, without the added extra layer of feelings that you may not need or desire right that second. You deserve to have the sex-related fun that you want, and maybe that means you want it from a pal.

And as long as they are down, and you talk about it and understand the emotional risks involved, go for it! Have all of the sexy friendships that you want.


Looking for something that's more friends-with-benefits than full coupledom? what you’re really looking for is another heart to hook up . How to Hook Up With a Friend. and have the freedom to do sexy things with other people. Go over your needs and desires, your dislikes and boundaries, and be sure that your pal does the same. too much about your relationship as friends. sometimes people get bored and hook up or have amazing chemistry and hook up and are friends and it.

Total 3 comments.
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